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Joke of the Day

"Ugly Duckling is my favorite story that teaches kids it's okay to look weird for a while as long as u get ur act together and become hot."

"I threw caution to the wind.caution is my little brother."

"[overhears guy saying economy is bad] [later, at family dinner] no trust me, the last thing you want is an economy. those things are so bad"

"if squids were land animals sometimes you'd be walking along and you'd look up and BAM squid in a tree"

"This girl just spilt ice all over my record player. I played it cool."

"What do you get if you cross a skunk and a cartoon penguin? Pingu-Pong!"

"You know what's weird? I've never seen any femail boxes."

"I prefer to buy rental properties that take up an entire city block or more. I'm in it for the long hall."

"It's black and hangs on a wire? A bad electrician!"

"TIL Albert Einstein married his cousin. That's how he discovered the theory of relativity"