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Joke of the Day

"I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that'll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote."

"My girlfriend is kind of like Pandora. Everyone once and a while I just have to let it know I'm still listening even though its all just noise at this point."

"I always keep a water spray bottle next to my bed in case a cat burglar breaks in."

"What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat? I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed."

"Q: Why was the young bear so spoiled? A: Because his mother ""panda'd"" to his every whim!"

"Why aren't cowboys circumcised? So they have somewhere to put their dip at lunch"

"Shout out to the people who don't know what the opposite of ""in"" is."

"What kind of pants does Mario wear? (Super Mario Brothers) *""Denim Denim Denim""*"

"I'm a 40 yr old man sitting at a Cafe with my eyes closed, squirting packets of mayo from under the table at the window as people walk by."

"Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on. The barista looked over and said, ""Well, essay chai tea happens."""