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Joke of the Day

"Before I got divorced, I should have converted all my assets to jokes. Because my ex couldn't ever take one."

"Stephen Hawking believes he's solved a huge mystery about black holes ...and he'll keep believing as long as we all play along, ok? He's adorable."

"Did you hear about the blonde who was a really good cook? She could get pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece!"

"If you've never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive ""to work"" to get a chick to leave your house then you're not me."

"Why do they carry Marines around on Naval ships? Because sheep would be too obvious."

"What's the hardest part to eat when eating a vegetable? The wheelchair."

"I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare's dead silly. No wonder he hasn't replied."

"I ate 23k pounds of cream cheese yesterday. BUT, there were nuts in it and I yelled FITFAM the whole time so technically it was health food"

"I wish radical Islamists were just Muslims who were really into surfing."

"What do white people and fences have in common? They both get jumped by Mexicans."