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Joke of the Day

"I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare's dead silly. No wonder he hasn't replied."

"If at first you don't succeed . . . don't try skydiving."

"A pirate walks into a bar... ...With a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, ""Is that a steering wheel in your pants?"" The pirate says ""Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Technically just one, as long as he's koalafied."

"Autocorrect just changed ""carnie"" to ""catnip"" and now all my friends think I slept with a bunch of catnips last night."

"What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now."

"What fruit had to have an announced wedding at home? Cantaloupe"

"Yes. You rt'd me 14 times in a row. Thanks. You are first in line for my liver when the time comes."

"How do you know that you are a redditor? I'll tell you tomorrow."

"What's got 8 feet and 10 shoes? The McCann Family."