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Joke of the Day

"*i before e except after c. Unless you're an 8yo heir planning a heist to seize a surveillance sleigh owned by a sheik at a reindeer farm."

"What does your mom and a 4-stroke engine have in common? They're both usually busy doing one of the following: sucking, squeezing, banging, blowing."

"Watching my mom use an iPhone is like watching a 12 year old girl try and contact her dead grandma on a Ouija board."

"I would even do the thing Meat Loaf wouldn't do for love for you."

"How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter? There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!"

"A farmer walks into his wife's bedroom with a sheep.... And says ""This is the pig I'm fucking."" His wife replies ""That's a sheep you fucking idiot!"" And the farmer says ""I wasn't talking you!"""

"I like to reinvent myself every year, last year I was a small Italian woman and the year before that a bear."

"I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"What do they call cunnilingis in India? A punjob."

"What do you call a pack of 8 Timbits? A Timbyte"