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Joke of the Day

"I would even do the thing Meat Loaf wouldn't do for love for you."

"Why is Sigma good at sharing? Because he only ever takes sum of the numbers!"

"We're sorry Micky Mouse, but your wife being crazy is not reasonable grounds for a divorce! I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy!"

"Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die"

"I don't take my wallet to work because I'm afraid someone will steal it while I'm sleeping."

"How was the Irish Jig invented? To much beer and not enough bathrooms"

"Sorry I haven't returned your text in 3 days, I was taking a nap."

"What reddit page has that link/picture you're looking for? The next page."

"I've been in Wisconsin for ten pounds. That means one week for those of you who have never visited Wisconsin."

"Never let your children play in an orchestra. Too much sax and violins. * Credit to maxwell bot."