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Joke of the Day

"How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter? There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!"

"Who won the animal race? The giraffe and the aardvark were running neck and neck but the aardvark won by a nose!"

"What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights? A chicken"

"*air horn sound* *second air horn sound* Me: ""This isn't deodorant."""

"What does a Syrian refugee and an American abortion have in common? White people didn't allow them to come into the U.S."

"Me: Read this tweet. Wife: Sure. Me: Is it racist? Wife: No. Me: Sexist? Wife: No. Me: Is it offensive at all? Wife: No. Me: *deletes tweet*"

"What did the left leg say to the right leg? Between me and you, we need a haircut. (I got this from some UK magazine years ago)"

"Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies? Because he couldn't find a date!"

"What do you call a midget with Down's Syndrome who arrives to class late? A little tardy."

"*walks into Best Buy* *points to CDs* ""May I have 4 sound bagels please"""