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Joke of the Day

"OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there"

"Don't Be Racist Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!"

"Why did the walrus go to the container store? To find a tight seal. "

"Bill Gates And Windows John To Bill Gates: Can You Explain Me ... Your Surname Is ""Gates"" And You Are Doing Business Of ""Windows""?"

"Be warned, person who set of a whole bunch of fireworks at 4 am--you've made a minimally powerful enemy."

"Just made up this joke: So I wrote some fan fiction, it blows."

"What's red and black and screaming all over? Stevie Wonder when he answers the iron."

"""Can we not have sex tonight? I'm tired"" ""Hi Tired, I'm dad"""

"People say Millennials are entitled... but have you ever tried to tell an old lady her coupon has expired?"

"How does a candy bar laugh? It snickers"