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Joke of the Day

"If life gives you melons... you're probably dyslexic."

"My dog did this i was going outside for 5 minutes and I told my dog not to poop in the house. When I came back, he had pooped in the house."

"Sorry your dad died. Here's a card with a waterfall on it"

"Her: Is my new concealer working? Me: Who said that?"

"I heard that my old neighbour forgot about his dementia. He's alright now."

"Out of curiosity, where were you all thinking of moving after you're done destroying the Earth? 'Cause I assume you've thought that through."

"Pokemon GO servers are like my life right now. Up and down and disappointing anyone who knows what it is."

"Why do riot police like to get to work early? To beat the crowd."

"Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me."

"I went to a bar with my girlfriend last night and people kept calling me a pedophile, just because I'm 53 and she is 22... ...totally ruined our 10th anniversary."