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Joke of the Day

"We were told we were gonna get 8 inches and only ended up getting 2 Sounds like every woman I've ever been with"

"Is sure that at a certain point, you are going to need to come to terms with your retardation."

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper up to a mile away"

"Hillary and Donald are in a plane that crashed. Who survived? The pilot who jumped out with a parachute."

"I once threw an abstinence party... And no one came. Edit: grammar."

"They said I should follow my dreams So I went back to sleep."

"I went out the other night and tried a pelican burger for the first time.... It was amazing but the bill was enormous!!"

"What do you call a short psychic who hasn't yet been apprehended? A small medium at-large?"

"Lady Gaga is so nasty I wouldn't even poke her face."

"If I were to remove my intestines and lay them out, they'd reach all the way to my ex-wife's house. SEE, DEBORAH? I'M A MESS WITHOUT YOU!"