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Joke of the Day

"I crashed into a dwarf at some traffic lights He got out of his car and said ""I'm not happy."" I replied, ""Well, which one are you then?"""

"One a scale of keystone light to jaeger how drunk are you sir? PANCAKE ok I need you to step out of the car"

"You ever heard of Oedipus? That guy's a real motherfucker."

"Why is a doctor always calm? He got a lot of patients"

"I always heat up my Thanksgiving leftovers. I quit cold turkey a long time ago."

"What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh? An Appaloosa!"

"among countless other horrible crimes the KKK also ruined the badass title of ""Grand Wizard"" for every other organization forever"

"Men are like computers. Hard to figure out and never enough memory."

"My neighbors have really overgrown trees in their yard and keep their curtains down all the time I think that's pretty shady"

"My wife thinks our sex life has got boring and I'm easily distracted... Oh well, better get back to it I suppose."