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Joke of the Day

"Anal sex is a lot like broccoli. If you don't like it at home, you're really gonna hate it in the school cafeteria."

"What's the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"And the award for Best Actress goes to...*opens envelope*....my 4 year old daughter for her overly-dramatic scene in ""Bath Time""."

"What does a beggar and a PHP programmer have in common? They both work on crowded platforms."

"If you encounter a bear you should either play dead or be so vibrant that the bear is like ""whatever this person seems exhausting."""

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them"

"Just Got The New Note 7 I guess you could say its pretty lit."

"What is the speed limit for sex? 68 . Because at 69 you flip over and eat it."

"Putting juice in the fridge is fine but put it in the oven and you're literally Hitler"

"[watching ""Cinderella""] 5-year-old: Why does she keep cleaning the floors? Me: Her stepsisters make her. 5: She should just buy a Roomba."