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Joke of the Day

"Robot Doctor. Robot Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Robot Doctor: ""1""."

"The cashier wasn't impressed with my top hat, sash, and monocle until I said ""Keep the change"" from the $1 I gave him for my $0.95 purchase."

"Are you Flappy Bird? 'Cuz I wanna tap you till you crash."

"My friend was the best at Russian Roulette. He only lost once."

"Wanna hear a corny joke? Ethanol"

"What do you call 2 polar bears jerking each other off? Bi-polar"

"Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe."

"Facebook: My little man is the best thing that's ever happened to me! Twitter: Free baby. DM for details."

"What happens when you mix mustard and ketchup together? it's must-up ..*rubs brow*"

"[first day as Niagara Falls tour guide] And to the left you can see [frantically flips through your guide] water."