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Joke of the Day

"i bet the first guy to say ""smooth as a babies bottom"" wasnt the most respected man in the community"

"I think this lady I'm stalking just found out. She changed her wifi name to: ""Hey you in the tree. I've called the cops."""

"what's the difference between Rosie O'Donnell and a stab wound? one is a fat and nasty unbearable gash,..... and the other is a fucking stab wound."

"Every episode of my life starts with a short recap and the voice over says ""Previously on wasted potential..."""

"*robs craft store with hot glue gun*"

"Raisins are like tiny senior citizens you can eat."

"3YO: Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister? ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you."

"I was born in the USA... ..some parts imported from China, though."

"Why did ISIS invade Antarctica? They saw a documentary about penguins and thought the continent was full of devout Islamic women."

"Girl, you must be the SAT... 'cause I want to do you for three hours and forty five minutes with a ten minute break for snacks."