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Joke of the Day
"How do you build suspense in people?"
Next Joke
"What are the two problems Donald Trump is currently being treated for ? 1) Electile Dysfunction and 2) Premature Congratulations."
"I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike *some* people."
"""DO NOT HIT ME. THE TURTLES DO NOT HIT SPLINTER. I AM SPLINTER TO YOU."" -real thing I just said to my son"
"[dinner at brother's house] ""So where are the kids?"" Brother: I grounded them. *spits out meatloaf*"
"My bitchy girlfriend and I broke up, because she's moving to another state. I'll miss her a lot. I mean, my aim's good, but not *that* good."
"No democratic debate on Christmas Day The democratic presidential hopefuls signed a statement not to debate on Christmas Day. It was a Barry Sanders-clause"
"If you don't order beef for dinner... That's a missed steak."
"Hear about the Native American who died from drinking too much tea before bed? He drowned in his teepee."
"I'm not normally a name-dropper but Tiger Woods asked me to start his car in the dream I just had."