132948

Joke of the Day

"What do onions and people have in common? I weep uncontrollably when I cut them."

"What do you do when you are riding on the back of a zebra, right next to a camel, and a lion won't stop chasing you? Get off the carousel, dumb ass. You're drunk."

"An Andrew Dice Clay-esqe bit There was an Old Lady who swallowed a fly. She made $50."

"I gave my number to a really hot girl at the bar and told her to text me when she got home. She must have been homeless."

"I asked my gynecologist what the medical term for queefing is... Twatulence."

"How did ISIS do on their French test? They bombed it..."

"They say everyone is unique... Isn't that a bit of a generalization?"

"Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two? Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!"

"These Jared from Subway jokes are so tired Bill Cosby started using them to knock out his victims"

"[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*"