49515

Joke of the Day

"[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*"

"This one will probably take a while to understand. What kind of grades did Hitler make in school? Not C's!"

"I had a one night stand! but way too many books to fit on it"

"What was Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-Na-Na-Na"

"Why was the electrolytic solution taken to court? It was charged with a salt."

"How do you know an Asian has robbed your house? They're still in your driveway"

"im straight edge i only drink beer and smoke meth"

"NOW THAT is a great looking tie! just. WOW. I mean, SHIT, that's nice! seriously, that tie is fucking PERFECT! ... I ran over your kid."

"Like father, like son Son: Dad, why do people suffer so much in life? Dad: ... for the final five push-ups."

"Why do Native Americans hate snow? Its white and on their land."