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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between toilet paper and toast? Toast is brown on both sides."

"ME: Is this Babies R Us CASHIER: Yes ME: No babies work here C: I know ME: It should be called Babies Were US C: ... ME: Get me your manager"

"Who was the first mathematician? A concave man"

"Whats the hardest part about eating vegetables? The wheelchair"

"""I think that kid's a robot"" What? ""Look at his mouth"" Relax they're just braces *backs away slowly* ""That's exactly what a robot would say"""

"Just said ""No you can't have an apple because you'll spoil the pizza that's being delivered very soon."" I shouldn't be allowed to parent."

"Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is ""Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"""

"[I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]"

"Married foreplay is just five minutes of confusion about whether your spouse is using a suggestive euphemism or asking you to do a chore."

"An optician fell into his lens grinder... and made a spectacle of himself."