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Joke of the Day

"Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is ""Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"""

"Jokes on you TSA my body is 70% water and I just snuck it onto the plane"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile... And I said ""that's a pretty big word for an 8 year old."""

"if you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape"

"I wonder how many hobbies you have to suck at before you take up bird watching."

"Today has been approved by both my middle fingers."

"How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints."

"Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?"

"Have you heard the joke about a rice cake who raped a bunch of tofu? I thought it was pretty tasteless."

"Dog ate raw chicken so I called the vet to see what I could do He asked what I think they eat in the wild. Basically, he called me an idiot"