109218

Joke of the Day

"[I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]"

"Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie about how beauty is only skin deep. What's important is that you're rich & you have a giant castle"

"Why don't they play poker in Africa? Too many cheetahs"

"I met two guys named Otto and Manuel at a party... ...Manuel made me do all the talking but Otto wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise!"

"Mom on Logic Finished Logic class, attempting to explain Boolean algebra to Mom. She listens intently, waits for me to finish, and said ""Bouillon?? That's for soup!"""

"My little cousin dropped this one on me: Me: Wow, you must've grown a foot since the last time I saw you! Cosin: Nope, still have two!"

"How did the stoner die? Blunt force trauma."

"Girlfriend is having trouble opening an oyster at dinner. She hands it to me to open. Just as I pry it open, I say, ""The easiest way to open this is with a little mussel"""

"What do pessimists use... Q: What do pessimists use to wash their clothes? A: Deterrent."

"I want to write ""I miss you"" on a rock and throw it at your face so that you'll know how much it hurts to miss you."