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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why will a blonde laugh at a joke three times? A: Once when you tell it once when you tell her the punchline and once when she gets it."

"Why don't the Amish waterski? The horses would drown. Ba-dum TISH"

"What bit of fish doesn't make sense ? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding !"

"If someone is choking the best thing to do is ask them if they're okay repeatedly then if that fails give a concerned look until resolved."

"It's 3 am. Just smoked a fatty. Just trying to make up new material with my parrot. I think i just thought of a good one but I may just be... Too stoned with one bird."

"What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted."

"My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn't 20 ... And in college."

"[pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?"

"What's the difference between a round piece of plastic and a babies head? I don't use a round piece of plastic as a shift knob."

"Chuck Norris was the fourth wiseman... Who gave Jesus the gift of the beard. Which he rocked until the day he died. And three days after."