132010

Joke of the Day

"JUDGE: I hereby sentence you t- PENGUIN COURT REPORTER: *angrily smashing keyboard with flippers* CAN YOU GUYS SLOW DOWN A BIT"

"Being great in bed is like being attractive or smart. The more you talk about it, the less I believe it."

"I read the new iPhone was a commercial failure. This surprised me, because I thought it was going to be a 6S."

"I thought I'd just discovered a mass grave for snowmen Turns out it was just a field of carrots"

"Why do black people have white hands and feet? Because everyone has a little bit of good in them."

"My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said ""yeah it's pretty straightforward"""

"Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving"

"Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day."

"What do you want on your tombstone? pepperoni and cheese...."

"What's a stoner's favorite body of water? The T.H. sea"