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Joke of the Day

"Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day."

"Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second."

"How do you break a Polacks finger? Punch him in the nose."

"Pinocchio boarded a bus in Rome. The bus was full of priests, except for one seat. Pinocchio took the seat and said"" Thank god I'm not a real boy!!"""

"Putin's message to tourists: Visit Istanbul While he still exists..."

"My football playing cousin went to prison He went in as a tight end, and came out as a wide receiver."

"I'm working on a script about a mobster who attempts to reinvent himself as a professional photographer. I'm gonna call it... *The Selfie Made Man.*"

"Why do gay guys dress so well? They spent a lot of time in the closet."

"Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon ? Because he was dead !"

"Why are camels considered the ships of the desert? They are full of arab semen."