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Joke of the Day

"My daughter wants to be something scary for Halloween this year so she's going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door."

"Why are books about the social contract and demand-side economics so hard to find? Because they're kept firmly under Locke and Keynes."

"Twitter, because I owe people on Facebook money."

"My neighbors look so happy. We can fix that."

"What happens if a politician takes a Viagra? He gets taller"

"Did you hear about the new soda made out of people? ""Yeah, how's it taste?"" ""It varies from person to person."""

"DATE: I chose this restaurant for the ambience. ME: Ah, very good. [to waiter] A bottle of your finest Ambiens, please."

"What do you call an Irish lesbian? GayLick"

"July 5th, 1776: The day the British drunk-texted America and said they still loved them."

"What do you call meat on the back of a cow? Aspergers"