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Joke of the Day

"- Baby, do you think I have too much makeup on? - That depends. Are you gonna try to kill Batman?"

"My girlfriend left me because of the way I face the toilet paper. I told her I can't help it... That's just how I roll."

"I ran into my old girlfriend at the airport, boy she has a lot of baggage."

"Tell me, ""everything happens for a reason"" so I know you're an idiot."

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive They would eventually find me attractive."

"I thought I was electrocuted. But in a shocking twist, I survived. . . . Try the Veal."

"Why did the butcher get fired? For bringing home the bacon."

"What kind of pants does mario wear? DENIM DENIM DENIM"

"were do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store. Edit: WHERE NOT WERE I'M RETARDED I KNOW :((((("

"Me: are you serious? GF: yes I can't take it anymore, you're too unpredictable Me: [wearing a different shirt] what are you talking about?"