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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive They would eventually find me attractive."

"The fact that Gunplay pulled a gun on his accountant doesn't shock me nearly as much as the fact that Gunplay has an accountant."

"Why did they skip Windows 9? Because 7 8 9!"

"If you open your iPhone camera when it's reversed, and your own face scares and shames you, it's considered cardio."

"Did you hear about the tight end who went to prison? He came out a wide receiver"

"Her: you take nice selfies Me: so I'm vain Her: no you're photogenic Me: oh so I'm ugly in real life Her: just say thanks Me: oh so I'm rude"

"Wife: [eats hotdog, spills mustard & relish on her blouse] Me: HELLO TEMPTRESS"

"I swear I can stare at my girl for hours and not say a word. It's so fucking difficult with this restraining order to have a good conversation."

"What happens when Bill Gates gets mad? He gets philanthro-pissed"

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Apparently not four as my basement is still dark"