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Joke of the Day

"Tell me, ""everything happens for a reason"" so I know you're an idiot."

"wife: 9 got a ninja costume. Pretend you can't see him 9 [standing in front of the fridge] *giggles* me *hits him in the face with the door*"

"Don't insult me by looking into my eyes. This bra cost me $65."

"I would tell you a joke about a vampire... ...but it would probably suck."

"[royalty free Black Keys-sounding music plays] Anthony Bourdain: There's nothing more rock n roll than eating a famous new york city whopper"

"Did you heard Steve Jobs died? He went to the iCloud. (RIP Steve. You may disagree with him, but the fact the man died is tragic considering his contributions to computing.)"

"Why are the news media like a prostitute? Because they are good at making stuff up."

"How do you know if a complete stranger is vegan? They already told you."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - T2 Barbie ...a study in silver"

"Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women."