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Joke of the Day

"[writing my first autopsy report] There was a slight mix-up initially but it turns out the guy died from an accidental autopsy"

"Shoutout to rattlesnakes and condoms... Because I don't fuck with either of them."

"What's the difference between you and a brick? Bricks can get laid."

"I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month."

"So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra... What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexia Association"

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A Hippo is heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter."

"John Cena would be a great voice actor because we can't see him"

"How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One... or two? One... or two?"

"Farewell to the last original piece of Joan Rivers... her soul"

"What do you call a sketchy neighborhood in Italy? A Spaghetto."