71867

Joke of the Day

"I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month."

"What do a hand rolled cigarette and hippy sex have in common? [This](http://i.imgur.com/KRuRgF9.gif)"

"The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?"

"I had a dream I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted."

"Priest, pedophile and rapist enters a bar... Then he sits down and orders a drink."

"Adulthood is like looking both sides before crossing the street and them getting hit by an airplane."

"I've never wished death on anyone. It's the absolute *last* thing anyone should have to go through."

"Me: 'Why are you going through my phone?' BF: 'Do you have something to hide?' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'"

"Found a bag of weed in my son's bedroom, absolutely horrified! The thing was practically all stems and seeds."

"I've been diagnosed with chronic fear of giants; Feefiphobia."