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Joke of the Day

"Cop: ""Can you describe the person who robbed you?"" Me: ""He had on a black shirt and hat with a green apron and charged me $6 for coffee"""

"Mark Twain Quote ""Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."""

"You can get used to everything. Except an icicle up your ass, because it melts before you get used to it. - A Finnish Proverb"

"The school wants to test my kid for gifted but the program doesn't have ""my kid is gifted"" bumper stickers, so, like, what's the point?"

"I sat next to this attractive Thai girl on the train... I kept thinking *don't get an erection*,*don't get an erection*, but she did."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? (From a comment in this subredit) YOU DON'T BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!"

"What two words have the most letters? Post office."

"I can prove global warming is real. The Chicago Cubs are still playing its October already."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cabot ! Cabot who ? Cabotret !"

"Why do some people love their VW diesel cars? Well, it's the official car of the New England Patriots after all."