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Joke of the Day

"You can get used to everything. Except an icicle up your ass, because it melts before you get used to it. - A Finnish Proverb"

"What do you call a hoarse Putin? Rasputin"

"What did Helen Keller scream when she got mugged? Nothing. It was winter and she had mittens on."

"What did Jonathan Ross say after breaking in to a large kitchen to steal some utensils? It was worth the whisk"

"Wow if I squint through the tears I look pretty thin!"

"Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees. You ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? *Then it's working*."

"I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, I already have one."

"I like my women like I like my beer Stout and bitter"

"Why did the sand scream? Because the sea weed. ha."

"My friend says he's doing good he means well"