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Joke of the Day

"In my doctor's waiting room, I explained to a WWII veteran what a Twitter follower count is. I think he regrets winning the war now."

"My uncle found the g-spot once... ...he tells people he lost those two fingers in the war."

"Doing a suicide attack is... ...a once-in-a-lifetime experience."

"What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli"

"Calm down! I'm not officially late until I actually get there."

"Statistically, 9 out of 10 people... ...repost."

"Give a man a jacket and he can leave the house during Winter. Teach a man to jack it and he'll never leave the house."

"Kidnapping is the most misleading term ever I've had these kids in my trunk for an hour and I can't get them to stop screaming let alone nap"

"School day Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel well Father: Where don't you feel well? Son: In school!"

"What did Hitler say when 7 ate 9? NEINNN!!"