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Joke of the Day

"Kidnapping is the most misleading term ever I've had these kids in my trunk for an hour and I can't get them to stop screaming let alone nap"

"What did the Mexican guy say when the two houses fell on him? Get off me homes."

"thinking about eating a lot of candy. which i have obtained legaly, through the trick or treat system, for many years"

"Jewelry in my family gets passed down from generation to generation. My tongue ring used to be my grandmother's clit ring."

"Keep a few cat turds in your pockets, just in case a cop searches you. He will get cat poop on his hands, and you can laugh. It's all legal."

"A king gets murdered in his sleep... Two of his most loyal servants found the body, with a sword in the king's chest. One the servants turns to the other and says ""Wow, he must have had a bad knight."""

"Every year on Valentine's Day, I put a smile on my wife's face by taking down the Christmas tree."

"Why do mice have a hole in their bottoms? Because otherwise they would be unable to track movement and move the cursor in the computer screen."

"A cowboy was shopping for a wiener dog some told him to get a long little doggy."

"I heard they're selling heart-burns that only take two minutes to cook now! I think they were called, Hot-pockets?"