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Joke of the Day

"Kidnapping is the most misleading term ever I've had these kids in my trunk for an hour and I can't get them to stop screaming let alone nap"

"Windows 10 rollout"

"What do you call a pig that's a lumber jack? Well you call him porkchop"

"What do you call a girl that sleeps with you for your Adderall? A total attention whore."

"Who was the heaviest of the Pharaohs? King Two-ton-khamen."

"What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married."

"According to the CDC, the leading cause of death in 2016 was having a career in the 80's that brought you any level of fame"

"Confucius Say Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired."

"What is the name of Mark Zuckerbergs mother? Motherzucker"

"The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game; I'll play mine."