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Joke of the Day

"What's the president's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli"

"Net flips and krill? - killer whale text"

"If she's freaking out, kiss her forehead, hug her & call her beautiful.. If she growls, throw chocolate at her from a safe place"

"What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs? The Girl Scout that got hit by a car."

"Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite. I know that joke has its faults, so I'll just accept my pumicement and go back to looking at cleavage."

"What do you call a car made out of Canadian money? A CADillac."

"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"

"It's my wife birthday coming up and she keeps going on about how bad I am at buying presents. Well this year she's in for a rude awakening. I'm buying her a Tourettes alarm clock."

"""Am I the first man you have ever loved?"" he said. ""Of course,"" she answered ""Why do men always ask the same question?""."

"Where does a powerful king keep his armies? In his sleevies!"