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Joke of the Day

"""woofwoof, woof"" -my neighbor's dog telling me his views on politics lol you gotta look at both sides tho fam"

"Back when I was a kid we stared at the wall when we took a shit and we liked it!"

"In current news: US: Stop that Middle East: Stop what? US: That Middle East: This? US: Yes that Middle East: This? America: OMG STAAAHP"

"I'm not proud of this, but if the price is right, I'll buy your high school kid alcohol."

"What are ants called when they run away very fast to get married? Ant-elopers."

"A man visits his local dentist. Dentist: Now please take a seat, this will hurt a little. Patient: Ok. Dentist: I've been having an affair with your wife for a while now."

"I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long."

"ITT: Jokes that would have killed at a party in 1998. I'll start us off: What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? They both have a slot that says ""insert bill here."""

"My neighbor just just had a baby boy born with no eyelids. When they did the circumcision they used the skin to make him some eyelids. He's doing great, just a little cockeyed."

"My 4 year old told me to just turn the tire around as the top part isn't flat. I don't care if it's wrong - that's still some great logic."