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Joke of the Day
"Cop: you're under arrest Me: no you are *cop arrests me* Me: fine but next time it's my turn"
Next Joke
"I mix up the Marvel and DC universes on purpose just for the angry sex"
"""Why did u jump off that bridge?"" My friend did it too ""Well if your friend jumped off a bridge would u?"" Yes. I literally just said that"
"You know the punchline before you're ever told the joke. What's the worst part about time traveling jokes?"
"Egypt is one of those rare countries whose ""good old days"" were in 2,000 B.C."
"[standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible"
"Did you hear about the girl who was dating the Berlin Wall? Things were going well, but it broke up."
"Wife:Stop watching porn Wife: (shouting) Stop watching porn, I can hear it in the kitchen . . . . . Husband: . . . . I'm not, it's Sharapova vs Serena... I'm watching tennis...."
"It's polite to stand when a lady comes to the table. I take it a step further and leave the restaurant entirely."
"*slowly opens eyes after a thousand years of meditation* but where does one throw away a garbage can"