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Joke of the Day

"It's polite to stand when a lady comes to the table. I take it a step further and leave the restaurant entirely."

"What fruit worries teenagers the most? A promegranate."

"I once dated a girl who said she was turned on by ""Black eyes"" So I punched her in the face. Turns out I heard her wrong."

"A man goes to the bar And he asks the bar tender Man: ""What taste good? Tender: I usually like rum in Diet Coke. Man: how do you get a Roman in a Diet Coke? Tender: *facepalm*"

"What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants? ""It's driving me nuts!"""

"Walking around the kitchen like Pac-Man when you're hungry."

"If Sesame Street were real, and I went there, and I saw those things, I would shit my pants."

"How do you measure pain? In Hertz."

"Saw 10: nickelback on repeat for 24 hours and to get out of the room you have to talk to Ann Coulter."

"What was the only thing missing from phil hughes' last innings???? -a duck"