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Joke of the Day

"Every day, I hope I don't get bitten by a spider. I'm not afraid of spiders, I just don't want the responsibility of being a superhero."

"My gf always tells me to shower her with compliments, but when I woke her up with the hose while calling her beautiful she yelled at me"

"What sound does a Polish crow make? Krakow"

"They should put barf bags in all the voting booths this year."

"It's so hot today I went to see the ex just for the cold shoulder and icy stare."

"Hey Terminator, who are you dressing up as for the musical fancy dress? I'll be Bach"

"A little boy wrote to Santa Claus... One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, ""Please send me a sister."" Santa Claus wrote him back, ""Ok, send me your mother."""

"Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, ""Let's eat kids"" becomes ""Let's eat punctuation""."

"What is the difference between a pitbull and a Golden Retriever? A Golden Retriever can sing better."

"What's a philosopher's favorite toy? Play-doh."