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Joke of the Day

"Every day, I hope I don't get bitten by a spider. I'm not afraid of spiders, I just don't want the responsibility of being a superhero."

"Me: Grandma died, can't work today. Boss: Thought she died last month? Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick."

"TIL The U.S is #18 in Mathematics worldwide. At least we're in the top 10."

"I hope my memory foam mattress doesn't remember the man in my bed last night and tell my boyfriend."

"(Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one"

"""It's time to turn over a new leaf."" - Adam & Eve on laundry day"

"Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school"

"What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight? Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out..."

"Honey I Shrunk the Kids : A Beginner's Guide to Steroid Use"

"How to catch a polar bear: Step 1: cut a hole in the ice. Step 2: set a can of peas opened and in front of it. Step 3: When the bear comes to take a pea kick it in the ice hole."