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Joke of the Day

"I hope my memory foam mattress doesn't remember the man in my bed last night and tell my boyfriend."

"If Batman doesn't wear underwear with my picture all over them, then this relationship is as one-sided as I feared."

"Nobody believes in racial profiling until they get a sushi chef with red hair."

"What do you call a nut? What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts What do you call nuts on your chin? My dick in your mouth"

"What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white? Alive"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number, you probably haven't heard of it."

"[boss's office] I'm tired of staff that think they know everything! Do you know what I mean, Murray? ""No, sir"" I like your style, Murray."

"The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so, He felt undermined."

"When the pilot says, ""This is your captain speaking,"" I like to brush the hair from his eyes and whisper, ""This is your passenger listening"""

"Question: What did the Cabbage say to the cab driver when he passed his stop? Answer: ""STOP THE CAB-BAGE"" Ps - The joke is to say it out loud and figure out what you are actually saying."