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Joke of the Day

"What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight? Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out..."

"My cow got Parkinson's Now she only produces milkshakes."

"My mum is a midwife and she always messes up jokes... Which is strange, because I thought midwives were great at delivery."

"When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as ""the eye of the shitstorm."""

"If someone asks you what time it is they either: want to sleep with you; or are some kind of psycho that doesn't have a cellphone."

"If ""bae"" means bacon and eggs then yes, I'm chilling with my bae"

"[Pulled over] Sir do you know how fast you were going? MY DOG IS IN LABOR! Oh! In that case *scribbles* Here is a ticket for littering."

"If you took all of the poops everyone on earth made in a single day and laid them end to end, wash your hands."

"You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar."

"When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though* Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*"