230103

Joke of the Day

"""It's time to turn over a new leaf."" - Adam & Eve on laundry day"

"If Twitter has taught me anything it's that the best career choice is divorce lawyer."

"I tried playing UNO with all my Mexican friends... ... but they kept stealing all the green cards!"

"With the announcement of Pence as Trump's running mate, it reminds me of a man running. With a dick out in front, and an asshole behind him."

"What's the deal with airplane peanuts? I mean, seriously, are they seeing anyone?"

"What animal is the moodiest? A Bi-Polar Bear."

"I'm opening a restaurant called ""It doesn't matter, whatever you want"" since every girl alive wants guys to take them there."

"If you make that Civic muffler loud enough, you can drown out your dad's voice calling you a worthless piece of crap. Almost."

"What is the best thing about twenty six year olds? There are twenty of them"

"A guy was confused about why the doctors had amputated his arms and legs. In fact he was stumped."