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Joke of the Day

"Tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999. Get a ride home from my Mom after I make out with some 14-year-olds."

"""I'm in the best shape of my life!"" -Newborn baby"

"On the scene of a murder.. ""Detective, we found a pool of blood in the suspect's room!"" ""Hm, sounds disgusting. Clean it up and continue looking for evidence."""

"Say what you want about deaf people..."

"Why did Steve hate being the youngest clone? Because all his genes were hand me downs."

"What is Donald Trump telling Barack Obama supporters? Orange Is The New Black!"

"What is a castrated male's favorite operating system? Unix."

"NCAA Hockey needs to re-name brackets. How is Alaska in the NE? They can see Russia."

"I asked my dog to marry me and he said no. I am stuck in man's best friendzone."

"Did you hear what happened to the fly on the toilet seat? He got pissed off."