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Joke of the Day

"I asked my dog to marry me and he said no. I am stuck in man's best friendzone."

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"Retarded people They shouldn't even exist"
"If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line ""lettuce romaine friends"" at a low cost of my student loans."
"Only 5 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.."
"What's a wombat for? For playing wom"
"The Humane Society will give Donald Trump $5 if he releases that thing on his head back into the woods."
"I'll call it smartphone when it slaps me in the face before sending a text to an ex."
"So a man walks into a... All you just got to do is finish it."
"A girl says to a salesman, ""I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker."" He says, ""Well, that depends. Are you gonna sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"""
"Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let's try to leave better kids for our planet."