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Joke of the Day

"Psst. Don't refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your 'team of writers'."

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"One day Canada will take over the world. Then we'll all be sorry."
"How do you make an octopus laugh? By giving it ten tickles *badumts*"
"Woke up late, so I put Red Bull in the coffee machine instead of water. Got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my fucking car!"
"What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena ? I don't know but I'll join in if it laughs !"
"What does Dwight Schrute have in common with Greece A bunch of dead beets."
"In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided suicide was the only option. I just need to talk her into it now."
"What is white, floats, and says ""Boo""? A ghost boat."
"You know what's fun to do in Ohio? ... Pack up and get the fuck out."
"I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a ring binder. I haven't been able to do a shit since..."