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Joke of the Day
"What's 9 and a half inches long and satisfies all c*nts? An iPad."
Next Joke
"I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use."
"Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster."
"A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it? The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen."
"folks this is your captain, we're reaching an altitude of 69,000ft. the plane can't fly this high so we're gonna crash, but it was worth it."
"""Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?"" Crowd: ""NEIGH!"" ""Jesus Christ."""
"I'm at my most Disney Princess when I fight with my stepfamily before drunkenly losing my shoe at a party."
"If a tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear it... Does a hipster still buy the soundtrack?"
"Q. What is the color of the wind? A. Blew."
"If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit."