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Joke of the Day
"Have you heard about the one about suicidal procrastinator He lived a long healthy life."
Next Joke
"I walked outside my house wearing my Saran Wrap suit, my neighbor said ""I always knew you were crazy, but now I can clearly see your nuts!"""
"Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry."
"[Barnes and Noble] CASHIER: anything else? ME: four barns and your finest noble please CASHIER: get out"
"Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder."
"Why didn't Rick Grimes settle his group in an abandoned senior center? Too many walkers."
"Can I homeless person a cigarette off someone"
"Q: Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? - A: Because she wanted to mail a litter."
"And God said to Peter, ""come forth and I shall give you eternal life"" Unfortunately Peter came fifth and won a toaster"
"I remember when [person x] was just *this* big (hold hand at knee level)... Then as I got closer I realized it was a matter of perspective."