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Joke of the Day
"Can I homeless person a cigarette off someone"
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"Why is santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year. Like most jokes on this thread this is stolen, not being a shitcunt and taking credit..."
"[Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married"
"""I have a friend..."" ""I have a friend who watches Japanese anime and likes vandalising Renaissance art with drawing pins."" ""Really?"" ""Yeah, he loves A Tack on Titian!"""
"Wife :'Darling, look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits.' Hubby : It's a scarf!"
"What's better than double-fisting a newborn? HADOUKEN!!!"
"""Is it not funny or am I just not getting it?"" ~ Everyone reading a newspaper comic strip"
"This is Bullshit. Since when is dressing for the job you want, not the job you have considered ""impersonating an officer""?"
"ME: where's your brother? OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape? ME: *sprints to the basement*"
"Why did Arnold Schwarzenegger cross the road? To **GET TO THE CHOPPA!!!**"