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Joke of the Day

"Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder."

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"What's the difference between a blonde and a washer? When you dump your load in a washer, it doesn't follow you around for a week."
"Hitting the gym to release stress it's not nearly effective as hitting the cunt that causes the fucking stress"
"Ugh I completely forgot to do something with my life."
"I would like to tell you a remarkably sophisticated joke........... What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing, because they were both stuck up cunts."
"What's so cool about cemeteries? I don't get it. People are dying to get in them."
"Why does math class teach kids about Japan, Germany, and Italy? Because they learn about the x-axis."
"My friend went to a party as the Spanish Inquisition... Nobody expected him"
"What's the best truck in Norway? The Fjord F150."
"Why was jesus great at rock climbing? He could find foot and hand holes"