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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens? - A: Because she wanted to mail a litter."

"Why can't there be peace in the Middle East? It IS what it IS."

"After reading some marriage tweets I'm beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person."

"doctor: ""how much exercise do you do per week?"" me: ""um.. does sex count? doctor: ""yes"" me: ""absolutely none"""

"Me: What are you doing?! 5-year-old: Hugging my sister. Me: Hugs don't start with a flying tackle. 5: Me: 5: The good ones do."

"Q: What did the nurse say to John Cena? A: ICU."

"I rated that girl a 10 on the pH scale because she looked pretty basic."

"OMG I'M SO OLD AND OUT OF TOUCH WITH POP MUSIC WHAT SONG DOES BREXIT SING"

"I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already."

"Sun Tzu's The Art of War is very applicable in the business world. Just today I made my boss sit facing the window so he had sun in his eyes"