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Joke of the Day

"So two typefaces are in a strip club... one says to the other, 'damn, thats some fine print.'"

"What do you get when you mix a mouse with some laundry detergent? Squeaky clean clothes."

"Why did the farmer screw their sheep on a cliff? They push back harder. (Told to me by my NZ step father about Australians, of course.)"

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day"

"""Every kiss begins with k"" I whisper to myself as I read the one letter reply from my crush."

"My friend grabs something in my pocket It was deez nuts"

"[fakes allergic reaction at dinner] Me: I-I'm- [clutches chest & falls to floor] I'm gonna need you to pay for me"

"Australia beat England in their matchup in the Rugby World Cup. I guess you could say the prisoners beat the guards."

"How do you piss off thousands of people on the internet all at once? [deleted]"

"I'm really tired all the time, I think I have stereo... It's like I have mono times two"